I wish my penis had an off switch
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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