now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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