If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
