I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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