it's too hot outside to masturbate.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
