I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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