I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Randomize
