the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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