Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
