we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and she was petting her beer can
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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