You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
