just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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