meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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