i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
