you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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