On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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