This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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