Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
