Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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