you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
