i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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