you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
