wanna go halves on a baby?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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