You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
