remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize