So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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