i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
