So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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