Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
