drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you inspire me to be a worse person
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
