Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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