Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize