she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
