Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
