Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
