OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize