So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
