I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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