Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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