And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
