Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize