Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
