Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
