Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
