That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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