I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
