Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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