He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Someone signed my nipple.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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