I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
