I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
