The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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