youre lurking in front of me
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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