the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
