oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
