What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
