I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize