I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
