Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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