god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
