I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
