Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
