Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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