worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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